I think I'm suffering from depression.

The last few weeks have been crazy. We started a magazine, shot a photoshoot in a snowstorm, I ran into my ex, fought the last fight with my ex, said goodbye, said hello, said sorry, found out Yung was getting a sibling (not from me from his Dad), got tattooed, watched an inauguration, felt guilty, made a few mistakes, gained a new team member, almost had a nervous breakdown, said sorry some more, launched a magazine, had a party for it and lost my stepfather. I've experienced what feels like an entire life cycle these last few weeks. Starting with the birth of something I love and the death of someone I love.

And last night, I started a new cycle. I think I went on a date.


I say I think because, I'm not ready to date again. I'm just not interested in dating right now. I was hoping he didn't pay for me so I could have reassurance that he wasn't calling it "a date" either. Sigh. But, he smiled at me alot, stared at me with "those eyes" when he thought I wasn't looking, laughed at all my jokes. I don't even know why I went. I played myself for that. My girls seemed more excited about me finally having went on a date than me. I was an hour late and I wished so hard that I would call him and he'd say he left already because I was taking to long. I genuinely hope he's not into me. Because I'm not really into anyone but me right now.

I think I'm just gonna fade to black on him. I'm heading out west in a few weeks anyway.

Wow, I'm really a loner.


Kidsister said... @ February 2, 2009 at 2:33 AM

Look don't go trying to run away or pulling a britney!

Everybody has there days..sucky, emo...I want to pull my hair out days...this too shall pass..

God always grants serenity after the storm!!!!!

And shit a date with a new cute guy doesn't hurt!

Teneille said... @ February 2, 2009 at 2:37 AM

:-/ Guess I just want to be left alone. Just wish I was normal, like had a normal life, with a 9 to 5 and a boyfriend who worked for like Cablevision or something.

Kidsister said... @ February 2, 2009 at 2:48 AM


Teneille said... @ February 2, 2009 at 2:49 AM

Dont laugh!!!!

Anonymous said... @ February 2, 2009 at 7:40 AM

Hey Tee aka Fabulous EIC ,

Maing hitting the blues is not a good feeling . When u feeling it, say prayer for strength... I know so much has been going on .. Try to get some laughter and smiles to boost ur spirits. U know the B+C Fam got ur back...

I agree with kidsister don't pull a britney even though she recovered !

$port said... @ February 2, 2009 at 11:16 AM

lol @ Cablevision

It's rough out here, ain't it?

...but don't just fade to black on him.

At least let him down easy. Not saying you have to write him a Dear John letter, but just let him know what it is.

Disappearing acts ain't cool.

E-Rich said... @ February 2, 2009 at 12:24 PM

$port is right. Disappearing acts are what get you stalked and choked.

Kwan Lee said... @ February 3, 2009 at 12:12 AM

Things happen t. Success is definitely flirting with us though.....

I know ima see u and the team at the top

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