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Lately I literally feel a void deep down in my chest. For me, it’s nothing like observing couples where you can just tell it lacks sincerity while wondering why I can’t be boo’d up with someone. I know it sounds a bit pitiful but in all honesty it makes me question everything about myself. Then I thought, could it be a trend that every girl I see coupled up looks and acts like the next…the ideal trophy chick/ video girl? Every single time I see it, it brings up a deeper issue that I’m not sure if I’m having with myself or with some of you image-conflicted boys of the world.

In a world of simple girls I’ve had to force myself to not conform to the airhead bullshit around me. I’ve gotten through those gut-wrenching years of wanting to rid myself out of existence because I felt unappreciated, ugly and not up to par with the ridiculous standards some of you guys set-up for us to live by. I never had the longest hair, thought it would take forever to buy it and sew it in and I never wore the corny shit every girl flocked to MONY’s or S&D to get just so I could turn up on the cool list. I did my own thing and after years of feeling guilty that I didn’t put in enough work to get that number or approval from the popular boys….I have to sort of pat myself on the back now for never giving into the conventional shit many girls are brain fucked with because despite what some guys may think, I think my sense of self is sexy.

Out of most of my friends, I sort of feel the flack for not being “regular.” Whether it’s not said it’s surely felt with silent or overlooking glances. Since I can remember I’ve always been interesting in a skeptic type of way or weird for not being a member of the mundane club, instead I opted to take a chance at being Patrice (my real name). A true stickler for authenticity, I’ve been made to think I’m an outcast for fucking with different shit like mind-blowing music or eclectic/intricately chic clothing:)

Questions run through my head everyday where I wonder…

Is it strange to be a black girl from Brooklyn who adores Radiohead and can literally dissect a Jay-z line and have a philosophical conversation on its meaning?

Is it so confusing to whole-heartedly appreciate the astonishing words of James Baldwin and John Leonard?

Is it so fucking peculiar to stand on a long museum line to witness the genius works of Basquiat’s exhibition without being called artsy opposed to standing on a club line every night?

Iis it so far from interesting that my lease on life isn’t about making my mark as a socialite who marries rich but instead to actually evoke the minds and souls of diverse walks of life?

And, don’t you want a bad chick with crazy sex, coupled with an intellectual mind and a sick perspective that can take you on a journey of self-discovery?
I know I’m killing you with the questions and the argument that seems more like a sale’s pitch (hahahaha) but there’s a stock of CATIE girls out there who can shake your whole world up and entice you day by day. Pillow talk will never be the same and it will push those buttons off within every soft spot of your body that you didn’t even know you had.

Collectively I think it’s so normal for us to stay within our comfort zones and date those who are safe because there’s no challenge. We seem to get caught up in the illusion of image that society has designed for us forgetting that behind them there’s persona’s that will either move or bore us. These days it shouldn’t be about trying to capture that Jay-z/Beyonce appeal when walking through the door. It’s about whose willing to build and grow with you. So don’t try to mold her or make her feel awkward for what she’s not. Take her as she is and you never know what you’ll get. Love can be so easier if you take a chance and let it smash right into you...

4 comments

Teneille said... @ November 21, 2008 at 11:16 AM

I had to post behind this one!

Good Life said... @ November 21, 2008 at 1:50 PM

I had to post as well....

fisthenewe.blogspot.com

K.icks M.aterials H.er said... @ November 22, 2008 at 2:16 AM

I'm in love :)

This had to be the best thing to ever graze this blackberry. About the most intriguing thing I've read in a min. I've always fathomed the thought of meeting a lady like yourself, but in VA... All those chick-a-dees are either old(er) or wifed up since they were like 5 o_O ... Maybe I need to move, o well

Good post,
Kmh

Teneille said... @ November 22, 2008 at 1:24 PM

awwww <3

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