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B-Dot Asks...
How can a guy avoid falling into a woman’s "friend zone"? and if he’s already in it, can he break out of it?

Tee-Mizzle Answers...
It took forever for me to get to this question. I'm answering it today as a result of journalistic blackmail *waves and smiles at B-Dot*.

I guess when I first read this question, I knew I'd be the perfect person to answer it since I've been in this situation recurrently since second grade. (Luckily, in those days I wasn’t the slightest bit interested in the opposite sex.) But, what I can say as the truth for both then and now: Girls need at least one heterosexual male friend. We need that platonic brotherly masculine opinion. Confessing that we "don't see you like that" can actually be more of a compliment when taking into account the larger picture. Ok, I know, I know...that sounds like a crock of shit when you want to be more than just friends. So listen up, first things first! You HAVE to "state your claim" from the beginning. No, this doesn’t always guarantee you the desired results but, you have to let her know sooner rather than later. In this instance, there's no worse feeling than realizing you missed the got damn bus. For the most part, girls will follow your initial lead. If she's available and you seem to be forthrightly pursuing her then she'll follow suit, let her guard down and work towards the unfolding of some sort of relationship. But take heed, our pre-relationship patience is short. And if you're "playing it cool" and "not tryna sweat" her then yo ass will probably miss the fun bus and end up on the little yellow "we're just friends" short bus. :(

Ok, how can I break this down? *Thinks*

Ok so let's take a look at some scenarios Brother B-Dot.

Friend Zone Perspectives & Solutions:
BOY FEELS: You don't think she's attracted to you
GIRL REALLY THINKS: I'm not attracted to him
SOLUTION: Without changing who you are completely, take note of the things she'd take notice of. Clean up nice, smell good, hug her tight when you see her. Give her a reason to pay attention to you. If you're not typically "her type" stand out from the rest and become "her new type". Show her there's more to you than she knows or can see from the surface. Show her you're flexible. She'll begin to find you intriguing. Flexibility shows her you're not a stubborn and ignorant asshole who won't experience new things and make new memories with her.

BOY FEELS: She's in a relationship and I know I'm better for her than that n*gga
GIRL REALLY THINKS: I'm messing with this dude and I know he has his ways but, I'm sprung. I just don't know what to do
SOLUTION: In this situation you're either going to assume by association the "brother role" or the dude she's gonna hook up with to make her current guy jealous. Just know that if you give in to any type of sexual encounter with a girl in this situation, when the smoke clears you're going to be the bad guy or the one hurt. She'll either feel completely guilty and embarrassed and not be able to face you again or blame you for taking advantage of her in her weakened and vulnerable state.

BOY FEELS: I can't tell by her body language if she's into me or not
GIRL REALLY THINKS: I don’t want to give him the wrong idea
SOLUTION: We're all in our 20's here right? You both aren’t virgins. You can tell she isn’t a prude but, something in the way she looks at you, hugs you just lacks that spark right? Yeah dude, she's just not that into you. (See Scenarios 1 or 2) An interested girl is going to flirt with you. Even if she's shy or unsure of herself she'll do something to let you know she's interested.

BOY FEELS: She's single so why is she acting like this?
GIRL REALLY THINKS: I'm just not ready to go there yet
SOLUTION: Wait until she's ready. She's probably wounded. Don't smother her. She's probably just gotten out of a bad relationship and needs time to heal. The last thing she wants to do right now is rush into a relationship. If she's single and messing with other guys casually, just want until she's ready if you really like her. She'll come around she just needs time to be free.

BOY FEELS: I think I fucked up in the beginning
GIRL REALLY THINKS: He just threw me off
SOLUTION: If you can recall the moment you killed the spark by either something you'd said or done call yourself out on it. She'll find you being able to confronting and owning up to you mistakes manly and chivalrous. It'll clear the air and I guarantee might score you another chance.

2 comments

$port said... @ November 25, 2008 at 10:16 AM

how timely was this one??

Teneille said... @ November 25, 2008 at 4:46 PM

shit is crazy. i been through this way too many times, smh...can it be when it was all just so simple then?

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