In My Lifetime...

Life comes at you fast. Laying in my bed, fighting to go back to sleep, my mind decided to race a million times a minute. I began to worry about frenemies, about Zeus, about what am I waiting for, about Love.

I thought about my Ex...the only one really worth mentioning. I thought about the demise of our relationship. He cheated, but I took him back, rocked out with him for six months more. I like to think I got over him cheating but ultimately I left him because he used to make me feel like shit. He would talk to me however way he felt, I always thought if someone did something wrong their actions should read "Im sorry" not just their lips. But with him nothing changed. And I got tired of it, the way I told him I would and I left.

I thought about how I used to be so no nonsense about the men I dated. If they werent speaking my language I was showing them the door. Nothing phased me. Nowadays, my tolerance is so high, too high. I thought about how for one guy, I have done more for in a year and a half than I have in the three years I was with a man I loved.

I thought about if I really loved the man with no titles. Or is it time making me feel that by now I should love him. I like him, and for what its worth he likes me back. If this is love, and I just dont want to admit to it, does he feel the same way? Is his mind just as confused and bewildered as mine? Does he think about me as often I do him? Does he think about the "what if's" the way I do?

I thought about where life is gonna take me in the next few years, months, weeks, days? Those very same people who had everything to say when I was just little ol' Shaina, will they still have something to say. Yesterday I received a hello from a man who hates my guts...he did it with a smile too! Will it be that easy? Why isnt everything that easy? Will the bitches back off and just let me and mines be?

I thought about Zeus again. I thought if he knows how much he means to me and would it even matter to him.

Im tired now....