Paranoid

I'm a few years fresh out of high school(give yall a lil hint)and I've been fortunate enough to hit career peaks that women twice my age are working on now. I aim to NEVER be those women who I see on the train miserable and grilling everybody because they let a man fuck their situation up! AND I don't want to ever look back and have regrets for being the poppin party chick who becomes washed up and old looking because she spent so much time being a socialite rather than working on her self and her future either.

I can be all over the place with the responsibilities I take on. I'm so into my career and where I'll be in the next couple of years that I tend to avoid my present.I push friends and significant others away when they don't get my grind and turn them into enemies thinking out of my paranoia (smfh, I have to stop) that they want me to go to the clubs rather than sit in front of the computer and work because they don't want me to be successful and ignore them when I get big, lmao..Oh how my indept analysis and thinking can fuck up my flow I tell you.

Anyway I'm too young to feel like I'm thirty. I've had my years of wanting to be grown and now I finally feel comfortable growing up at a gradual pace but the commitments I've signed onto puts me in a great but sort of rough place emotionally. With all of the things I've accomplished and I'm working on now I noticed how it all plays a big part in my non-existent love life. The boys my age don't get me and can't hold a conversation with me without feeling like their talking to a professor(smfh)and the older boys loooove me but fear that they'll hurt this promising baby girl who's highly mature but not quite yet a woman!

So once again I'm caught up in the middle and petrified to take the next steps onto greatness! I talk about what I don't want to be but at the rate I'm going will I be this rich, succesful, well dressed, stiff workaholic, with no life, no real friends, no man, no kids but plenty invites to industry parties???

I have to find a a balance, I mean shit is about to blow but I can't give my sanity and my eagerness to love and be loved GO!

It's so much to think about these days..and forgive me boys for my constant bitching but I hope my posts as well as the entire team makes you think twice about what goes through our mind daily.

I think I'm just "worried about the wrong thing," right Kanye?