I’ve never been a fatherless daughter, had no reason to call him a deadbeat Dad or just a sperm donor. I never collected checks on his behalf or had to travel miles to see him. He’s been here like a Guyanese AL Bundy (HA!) for every complex day of my life. Straight from work, Mr. P will sit on the living room couch, snore O.D. loud while politics is blasting from the television until 4 a.m., and you can forget about when I have a male friend by. Oh gosh… my Daddy plays no games, he walks around being obviously nosey with his tight, holey long john’s and his glass of red wine in hand lurking around like the Esquibo King of his domain.

Over the years our relationship has been strained by the frustrating years of growth. I’m getting older and he’s sooooo old-school. My mother says I’m his baby girl so coming home in the mornings from staying out all night, talking to dudes, wearing make-up or wearing 4 inch heels is a nasty headache for him. He nags, grunts and groans to the point I want to pull my locs out.

With time comes understanding and just recently I’m starting to cope with the frustration. You see, for as long as I can remember my sister and I have always got the “oh my God you live with both parents,” reaction for years and because of that, in many cases we’ve clashed with our friends for having handled life situations differently. In no way am I saying single mother’s can’t hold it down because I’ve seen many of them do outstanding jobs but I believe just as a man and his son there’s some things a man can teach or show their daughter that a mother can’t. Even those he’s pretty quiet, he’s quick to put me in my place. If a guy wanted to come by the house so we can sit in the whip to chat, he’d end up coming in the house to meet my daddy in the long johns. I remember one time he stopped me and said “What you running to the car for, any guy want to see you, he can come in the house like an assertive young man, what is he nervous about?” And if it’s his last twenty dollar and I’m broke, it’s mine because he never wanted me going out there and asking anybody for what I couldn’t get at home. That security molded a lot of who I am today but there’s so many who don’t have that…

I had a friend who only met her father once and her mother was never home because she was working her but off to make ends meet. When it came to dudes she planned her life around their agenda and if she needed anything, they would be the first she would call. Whether it was sneakers or food she was sure they’d come through. Eight out of ten they’d fulfill what she wanted but the favors had to be returned because when they needed anything her main priority in life was to provide for them.

At sixteen/seventeen she was paying commissary, bailing her boyfriend out, clothing and feeding him. She was the official ride or die chick. Every dude we knew would praise her for it but I would just stand on the sideline shaking my damn head. Granted, in relationships it’s a give and take when it comes to committing to one another but not when a you’re barely an eighteen trying to be a wife. I didn’t understand what was wrong with her, thought she was too damn boy crazy but then I noticed it had to be a void she was trying to fill. When a conversation about my father came up on what he was going to buy me, her face turned into a tight grill and then in seconds she flipped to talk about her boyfriend. I figured out the correlation, the dudes she was dealing with weren’t just her boyfriends they we’re men that was going to make her feel secure and play the daddy role. She liked that they fussed over her, yelled at her and bought her gifts. I never felt the need to go out there and ask any man for ANYTHING because I had my Daddy but for her it was her way to get by, to stay sane and receive love from a man.

She never cared how stupid she would look kissing her “Poppa” the day after they were fist fighting in front of the building or if she heard rumors about him getting head on the side of the building. The fucked up thing is that her boyfriend and many dudes she messed with knew she was fragile to the world of love and security so she was taken advantage of. I despise dudes for that, I witnessed a girl with boundless potential go from my hilarious partner in crime to a bitter mother of two boys at twenty years old.

Most girls tend to play these motherly girlfriends to you dudes but I beg you guys out there to be more considerate, listen a little closer when she talks, and observe a little more how she acts. We’re all not perfect, have expectations, fears and voids that sometimes we depend on you guys to refine. That can be a good or bad thing, you decide the approach.

And undo history by taking care of your children man…

Thank You


Kwan Lee said... @ December 6, 2008 at 11:38 PM

I honestly can say i respect this post... you always got good posts Kid Sis

E-Rich said... @ December 8, 2008 at 12:53 AM

I really don't pay attention to the "warnings to men" parts because I already know. I have a girlfriend now and we're in a great relationship because at least we both agree that I know how to treat her(usually). It's a good feeling to be the guy that used to complain about being the nice guy and losing girls to the bad guys and getting a good girlfriend. We feel that we both deserve each other. We've been together for like two years now and I don't see it ending anytime soon. I'd also like to add that no matter what mistakes I make, I plan on being a father to a child that I created.

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