They say actions speak louder than words, but I learned with a man, nothing is ever what it seems. Zeus doesn't seem to understand why I do some of the things I do, or did some of the things I did. Yea, I understand that some of things we do and share together are things that he claims he would never do with a chick he was just "jumping off" with, but still a girl needs to hear it. Life has taught me that a man has to put it all the way out there to really mean it. Solely counting on what he does couldnt ever be enough to know how he truly feels about you.

I was with my ex for 3 years. I wanted to make him better. I was helping him study for his GED, looking into apartments for him and seeing about better paying jobs. I found text books and old school work to aid him in studying and I hit craigslist hard everyday. He didn't seem to take it as seriously as I did. I figured bettering him, bettered us. I was doing what I could with what I had just to make him happy. He would buy me things, outfits, jewelry, kicks, just because. I thought we would last forever. Something just felt off, I inquired and he told me he was cheating, he had the nerve to tell me I was holding him back. I never saw it coming.

Now I'm in this hallway with Zeus fighting back tears. I never thought I would see him so angry. Was I expected to play saint to his sinner? Why was he making me feel so bad for this hook up? Is this it for "us"? Racing through my head was how he must have felt for me...Why couldn't he just tell me? I'm no mind reader. Ok, maybe you would never take a girl you didnt like to Atlantic City for your birthday, but would you send a girl you liked a picture of another girl you may or may not be dealing with? All the nights I've poured my heart out...why couldn't he do the same if now he pretended to feel the way I did? *sigh* This can't be life.


Kwan Lee said... @ December 4, 2008 at 1:50 AM

Damn homie. It be like dat sometimes. Even for us dudes.

Teneille said... @ December 4, 2008 at 7:23 AM

"Making someone better" is not done as literally as it sounds. That person needs to be inspired by what you do for yourself and pick themselves up. Your ex had to make the effort you couldn't do that for him. That's when the "you trying to change me" or "I'm not good enough for you?" argument always comes into play. Be supportive, lend a helping hand, make suggestions of course but, don't make "bettering" someone else you're responsibility.

$port said... @ December 5, 2008 at 3:18 PM

this is exactly what the fuck i'm talking about...

a chic does all this for a dude and he basically shits all over her efforts...

...then when someone comes along that actually deserves it and can reciprocate....it's like pulling teeth, all because of the last dude's fuck-ups...


brian said... @ December 6, 2008 at 12:53 AM

"I was helping him study for his GED"

*blank stare?*

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