As I reminisce on the transition me and my girls have made, it’s hilarious and both mind-boggling. We started out getting airbrushed nails, copping Jordan’s every month, rocking extensions and getting Dominican wraps (dubies if you’re from Harlem). That was us and all we thought about. Now we’re practically women with jobs, college and honey’s who seem more like husbands…smh. Throughout our very fragile years we’ve experienced things we could never even fathom seeing or going through. Victims to dudes with nice things and good game, we became googly-eyed as little insecure teen-age girls and jumped right in the passenger sides of whips that led us to roads that both schooled and fucked with our frame of mind!

When the fuckery began I was in the mid-stages of development. There was no hiding that I was a bit young but walked around like I was grown and that shit turned older dudes on. I reveled in talking to dudes way beyond my years so it wasn’t hard for them to get whatever they wanted. Like a deer in headlights I didn’t realize how easy and tempting it was for them so I talked to them because the offers to get picked up from school, or going to the movies made me feel BIG! I was told things like “you’re a bad chick for your age,” “mad mature than older girls,” and was touched in places I made them think I got touched before. God knew most of the time I had no idea what I was doing but I played the part well. My addiction was fed with sweet lies, painful firsts that changed me forever. Now that I look back on what I experienced I evaluated how dudes operated. I remember there was this one dude who would listen to my stories, attempt to care a little for me and go out of his way to get what he wanted. I was the laughing stock for his friends but I didn’t know it, I thought I was on my grown woman! This thing I thought I had with him would never grow. Little did he know he kidnapped the innocent soul of a girl not quite yet a woman.

As my enthusiasm grew for him, I being the official PYT became clingy without thinking something could ever go wrong. I started making our relationship exclusive by telling people he was my man. Word got out and he backed up because the code to keep it hush was broken. He ignored my calls and stopped all visits. I became love sick and confused to why I was cut off just like that. It was never just late night creeps to me. He was the first dude that really catered to my needs, made me feel like he was there to take care of me, in hindsight he became the second big man in my life other than my daddy that called the shots and I loved theat shit. Rejection hits you like a big baseball hitting your face in slowmotion so you can feel every second of that thrashing pain. I felt it to the point I didn't leave my house. It scorned the shit out of me that I was played and wasn't taking seriously. All the work I put in and to be left all by myself was just wrong. The experiences with older dudes has molded my motives and perspective on everything. I know the games that comes with it now.

So what's the conclusion, where has the shady shit led me and my girls
...Next week yall!

Until then...
This video illustrates it best...


The Transition said... @ December 27, 2008 at 5:28 PM

Super dope and insightful.

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